Bill, sadly, has to attend a friend's wedding without the benefits of alcohol. I've been there, brother. It's hard to accept the strange folk and their costumes and, if you'll pardon, inanities without a little lubrication.
I was once invited to a Jehovah's Witness wedding. It was the strangest one I've seen yet. They had the bridal party up at the front of the church all sitting in chairs. This is not a good sign for those of us who are hoping for a quick ceremony. They droned on and on about the headship of the house, which was about to be conferred on the groom. They said:
Now the wife may have had a bad day too. You know, the washing machine may have broken. But when her husband comes home she must greet him warmly, because he has been working all day for his familyI think that gives you the gist of the specifying, which was oddly similar to the worst office meetings I've heard. Then came the alcohol free reception. Yech.
Bill, if you ever get to Heaven, which I don't happen to believe in, you'll be let straight in, since you will have seen your share of Hell.